


Wishes and Fears

by writteninweakness



Category: Amnesia (Game & Anime), Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crossover, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Gen, Light Angst, Mentioned Blue Lions Students (Fire Emblem), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Some Humor, Some Plot, Spoilers, mostly me corrupting canon to my own purposes, only not because canon gets diverted by extra characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 17:10:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21103025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writteninweakness/pseuds/writteninweakness
Summary: Hearing the legend of the wishes made at the goddess tower leads to the revelation of another old legend, one that could be considered heresy.It also leads a few idiots to admit they're in love.





	Wishes and Fears

**Author's Note:**

> As soon as I started playing Fire Emblem, I noted quite a few parallels between it and Amnesia. 
> 
> There was a spirit in the main character's head. There was amnesia (in Fire Emblem, Sothis has it, not the MC, but still.) The MCs have some wonderful blank stares and lack of reaction, and since Sothis says that is because of her and the heroine's lack of personality is because of Orion, that seemed to fit, too. There's even a part of the music for a later battle in the Blue Lion route that has similar chords to the music from the Amnesia anime. There's also some similarity in sentiments about holding hands in canon for Kent/Heroine and Dimitri/Byleth. I ended up referencing that some for Kent/Heroine.
> 
> Add in the goddess tower wish idea (since Orion serves Nhil, a god who grants wishes) and this fic was born. It was never supposed to get this long, but it took a while to reach any kind of an ending. 
> 
> And for anyone unfamiliar with Amnesia or my previous fics in that fandom, since the heroine has no default name, I use one that has the kanji of 心愛 – “heart’s love” and is the Japanese word for cocoa. This sometimes causes problems for her and she prefers not to give it out unless she has to (which in a sense explains her not having a default name.)

* * *

“Making wishes in the goddess tower, hmm?” Orion’s cheerful voice shouldn’t startle her like that, but it did, again, and Kokoa looked at him, trying not to frown. Floating next to her, he seemed almost excited by this latest piece of gossip. Then again, the youthful spirit seemed fascinated by everything he saw and heard, gawking even more than she had when she first came here. “I wonder...”

“Wonder?” Kokoa asked, frowning. She hadn’t ever been all that religious before, and even now with a spirit servant of a god in her head, she still didn’t have much faith. She was at the monastery because it was a job, not because she was pious.

“Well, granting wishes is Nhil’s job, you know. So I have to wonder if any of the ones made here were ones he granted,” Orion answered, looking thoughtful. “I never knew him to need a man and a woman to be there, though.”

“It’s supposed to be for the goddess,” she reminded him, since the church of Seiros only recognized one god—one _goddess—_unlike Orion, who spoke of many, like the Lord Nhil he served and the people of other lands like Duscur and Brigid. “The goddess is the one who hears the wishes of couples and grants them.”

“You’ve heard that myth, have you?”

She tensed, not sure how much she’d said aloud. She often forgot and spoke to Orion like he was there for everyone to see and hear, not just her. She knew better, of course. She’d already had to move on from several places because people thought she was insane or had a demon, talking to Orion the way she did. She’d been more careful here, surrounded by all these Church of Seiros people, afraid of what they might do if they thought she did have a demon, but she’d slipped. Again.

And in front of _him _again.

Since one of her primary duties was cleaning for the visiting lecturers, she was in charge of his room, and when she was busy working was one of her worst times for responding to Orion, since he got bored. If she didn’t amuse him by singing or something, he’d talk to her, and she’d forget herself.

She’d done it so many times in front of this professor she should be dead, but he wasn’t a true devotee of Seiros, either, so he hadn’t reported her. She was pretty sure she annoyed him, so she didn’t know for sure why he hadn’t done it anyway—he wasn’t lazy like some researchers, though maybe it was just that he didn’t want to deal with Lady Rhea or Seteth.

She didn’t blame him for that. Lady Rhea was creepy.

“Um… yes. I heard the myth.”

“Why does he always have to look at us like that?” Orion asked, hiding behind her now. “He’s so scary.”

She thought Kent was less intimidating than Creepy Rhea, and she didn’t like Seteth much, either. Even Cyril was off-putting with his insane adoration of the Archbishop. Kent didn’t scare her like that trainer Jeritza did, though the way he stared at her often had her wanting to apologize and run.

Except… she had a bad habit of quarreling with him instead.

“It did seem the sort of thing the foolish and unenlightened would believe in,” Kent said, folding his arms over his chest and pushing up his glasses. “Although some superstitions have a small basis in fact, such as the ones that urge caution in bad weather against illness as well as those that recommend certain foods or herbs as remedies, there are some that have no foundation at all.”

“Like the one about the goddess, you mean.”

“Precisely,” he said, giving her a smile that made all that nonsense about him being scary go away, though her stomach was still unsettled. He was kind of… attractive like that, which was an odd thought to have about someone like him. Smart, older, most likely a noble… She shouldn’t even bother thinking that way. He would never be interested in her. “There are some things that suggest that belief in her is not entirely foolish, some that show it to have some historical foundation, the idea of some deity granting wishes is extremely illogical.”

She nodded. “Maybe so, but people like to hope, don’t they?”

“Another foolish notion.”

She sighed. He always did belittle things like that, but what was living without hope? “You can’t say it isn’t necessary, though. People without hope won’t try anything. They won’t live. It’s something they need even if it isn’t logical. We all need reasons to go on. Especially when all we can look forward to is another dismal day of sweeping someone else’s room.”

He considered that. “You may have a small validity to your argument.”

“What?” Had he just said she was right? Since when did Kent ever admit she was right? “You… agree with me?”

“In a limited sense, of course.”

She sighed. “Of course.”

Now he seemed to be smirking. “You should be pleased. You had an emotional argument that managed to get a concession from me. That is rare in both cases.”

“I… I am happy,” she admitted, feeling strange because she actually was. Her cheeks heated up as she looked at him. He almost looked happy about it, too, which was so strange to her. She’d never thought she could do anything that would please him. “Oh… How did your research go? Weren’t you working on something to go with Professor Byleth’s recent mission?”

He nodded, and now he seemed even more animated than before. “Yes. As you know, I was asked to assist in tactical mathematics, a field that most students have little or no training in, seeing as few realize the importance of mathematics in the first place, but as for a battlefield asset, they think only swords or lances qualify. Horses have a greater position than elementary addition.”

She tried not to giggle. He was so defensive of math. It was adorable.

“You like him.”

She tensed, willing herself to ignore Orion’s words. “Were you able to use the professor’s methods to show their need to learn it? With her popularity, I’m sure it would make it easier to see the value.”

“It’s not about her popularity. I based my decision to use her as an example because of the success of her actions. It would be foolish to choose her for any other reason. Popularity is not a guarantee of success, nor should it be the measure of anyone’s worth.”

“Oh, no, I know that,” Kokoa agreed, though she herself liked the professor. Byleth took the time to help anyone and everyone around the monastery, not just her own students but those of all the houses as well as the staff and even some of the orphans. “I just thought it might be nice to work with her.”

“Not particularly. She simply stared at me the entire time I explained my hypothesis.”

Kokoa did giggle then. “That’s what she does.”

“It is not so amusing.”

Kent’s pout was, she had to admit, and even Orion was laughing. He was enjoying himself behind her ear, which was loud and really annoying.

“Some of us just need time to think things through,” Kokoa said instead, and Kent seemed to relent just a little as she did, though he still didn’t seem pleased. Was she smiling too much now? He really was cute like that. “If she’s like me, she would need some. I’d need even more. I’m not as smart as she is, not at all.”

He shook his head. “You seem more capable of grasping the value of certain concepts than these nobles I have been instructing.”

She flushed. “I am?”

“Indeed. Some think they already know everything they need to know, and others are simply idiots.”

She laughed again, aware of others looking at them. A few monks were giving her dirty looks, but then those women always did. Some knights were shook their heads as well, while she saw a few students staring at her like she was insane.

“Don’t even start to think that,” Orion said. “You’re not crazy just because I’m here. They’re gawking because you’re laughing with Kent, of all people. You know no one thinks he has a sense of humor. He’s grumpier than Seteth, which is pretty darn grumpy.”

She bit back a giggle. That wasn’t true, either, but it was kind of funny all the same.

“I have given this other matter some consideration as well.”

She blinked. “What?”

“The myth of the goddess tower. It also would not be impossible to test said theory of wishing. One only has to be in the specified location with the required individuals of either sex, so it would be simple enough to recreate such an experiment.”

She swallowed. He was missing one part of the myth, she was sure of that much, but all the same… she wasn’t sure she wanted to point it out. Did he even have a lover? No, he wouldn’t. He’d said that was all chemicals, hadn’t he?

“He doesn’t laugh. How can he love if he’s not even willing to laugh?”

She knew Orion was wrong about that. She’d seen Kent smile. Well, mostly he smirked, but he could smile, too, and that smile was… something else. “You want to test the theory about the goddess granting wishes made in the tower?”

He seemed to flush a little. “Um… Yes. I think I would.”

“Oh.”

“Naturally, that would require someone else.” He studied her. She tried not to fidget, which wasn’t helped by Orion behind her. He seemed even more nervous around Kent than she was. “You… are not interested in testing such a theory?”

“Oh, no, I…” He really couldn’t know that the couple was supposed to be in love, but somehow she still wanted to try it with him. She supposed it would be doomed anyway if they weren’t in love, but she found Kent so interesting she still found herself eager to go as long as it was with him.

“Are you insane?”

She ignored Orion’s hissed whisper in her ear, though since he was there, that answer was the same as what she said aloud. “Yes.”

“Yes?”

“I would like to try it,” she said, smiling up at Kent. He smiled back at her, and she felt her stomach twist again. She was so happy she didn’t see why that was the case. She felt like she’d just won a hard war, even if it wasn’t much of a battle and she’d only used words. She’d gotten Kent, of all people, to try wishing with her.

“Very well. I will meet you there on that evening.”

She nodded, feeling a bit breathless. He seemed to hesitate and then shook his head, walking away from her. She rushed off toward the dormitory, excitement in every step. She’d hadn’t ever thought she’d manage to get Kent to agree to do something he’d consider so foolish, but he had. And he wanted to do it with her.

She couldn’t help feeling elated.

* * *

Though she had little other use for a calendar, Kokoa had made herself one so that she could count down the days until the day of the ball. That was the time when the goddess was supposed to hear and grant wishes made in her tower, so Kokoa wanted to be ready for it. Kent seemed amused that she’d gone to all the trouble to make it—she’d been so humiliated when he caught her doing it, but he’d smiled at her.

_Your dedication never ceases to amaze me, _he’d said, and she still blushed with the memory of those words even now, a full week later.

“You really like him, don’t you?”

“Don’t be foolish, Orion. I… He’s… It’s just a test.”

Orion snorted. “Yeah, a _love _test. That’s what the wishes are supposedly about. It’s not just about speaking to the goddess—though I still think you’d be better off asking Nhil—but a couple in love asking for the same thing. So now you think you can get an answer to whether or not he likes you without even having to ask properly. You just get a wish answered and there you go, he’s in love with you. I can’t believe you thought that would work. Couldn’t you just admit that you like him?”

“I don’t.”

“And you didn’t get butterflies in your stomach, either.”

“I didn’t.”

“Oh, yes you did,” Orion insisted, coming around to hover right in front of her face and forcing her to stop. “You can’t hide it from me. We’re connected, remember? I feel what you feel, whether it’s fatigue or anxiety or sadness or even… glee. You’re attracted to him, and you’re excited because he’s paying attention to you. You like it. You want that from him. You want all that from him. And you _do _want to know how he feels about you, but you’re a coward, and you’d never tell him how you feel first. So you’re relieved because if this test works, then it’s proof he loves you, too.”

“Orion, stop it. I am not in love with him. That’s just...”

“Just what?” A new voice made her shiver, even as the woman before her smiled in what should have been encouragement. “Wonderful? Love is such a feeling, is it not? Whatever person captured your heart must be truly a great one, since you yourself are so special.”

Kokoa frowned. Why would Rhea think she was special? She was a servant, just a woman who cleaned a few rooms. She wasn’t educated like Kent or a skilled tactician and warrior like Byleth, wasn’t a noble like most of the students here. The future king, emperor, and leader of the Alliance were all here, and Rhea tried to say Kokoa was special? That wasn’t true. She wasn’t even faithful like the ones that came to pray.

“I… I don’t understand.”

“Don’t you?” Rhea still seemed serene, but there was a coolness to her now. “Can it be you do not know how special you are?”

“She is so scary,” Orion whispered, and Kokoa nodded in agreement. Rhea terrified her. Everyone here loved her, it seemed, but Kokoa found her extremely unsettling. Something about Rhea chilled her deep inside, and she wanted to run but was too afraid to move.

“I’m very ordinary,” Kokoa said. “I’m a commoner and a servant, nothing more.”

“Is that so?” Rhea studied her—no, not her, she seemed almost to be looking right at Orion. “Perhaps it is only your potential I see, but I have no doubt you will do great things.”

“I… Thank you,” Kokoa forced herself to speak, but her voice only came out as a whisper. Rhea gave her another smile that made her shudder, and she blurted out another couple words before she stumbled away. “Excuse me.”

She ran as far as her legs would take her, Orion’s frantic attempts to calm her doing no good. She didn’t stop until she was forced to, bumping right into something—someone—solid.

“I say,” the cultured tones of the prince of Faerghus made her look up in renewed horror. Oh, why did she have to go and run into him? She might not have been born inside his borders, but that didn’t make it any better to hit a royal, even on accident. “You seem to have had some kind of fright. Is there anything I can assist you with? Or… has something happened? If the Death Knight has returned or someone dared harm you—”

She heard a noise that sounded almost like a squeak and realized she’d made it. Oh, could she just die now and spare herself further humiliation?

“Oh. I seem to have made it worse. My apologies. I didn’t mean to upset you. I truly only wish to help. I… That’s it. Professor? Would you perhaps have some of that tea you offered me earlier? I had changed my mind about wanting some, but I think I just found someone who needs it even more than I do. That is… if you don’t mind.”

Byleth shook her head. “Of course not. I’d be happy to share tea with both of you.”

Kokoa stared at them both in shock. “Me? But… you’re the famous professor. And he’s the prince of Faerghus. I’m no one. I’m not the least bit special.”

“No, no, please don’t. Here I am only a student, and I would be honored to have you join us for tea. I do not think anyone should refuse an invitation of the professor’s. There is so much to learn and discuss… Though I suppose we should start with your name.”

She swallowed. She did not want to give it. She hated telling anyone. They always seemed to make such jokes of it, especially the ones who were only interested in one thing from her.

“Dimitri will make you the same promise I did,” Byleth said. “He will not tell anyone else your name, especially not Sylvain.”

He frowned at first but then nodded. “Oh, yes. Of course. As the professor says.”

“Oh, look,” Orion said. “Someone else who is in love. Isn’t it cute? He’s just as bad with his professor as you are with yours.”

She reached up to hit him only to remember at the last second that he wasn’t really there. “Um. Yes. Thank you. I… My name is Kokoa.”

“That is a lovely name,” the prince said, and she thought he meant that. She shook her head, not sure what to think of that as he helped lead her toward the garden.

* * *

As much as she knew Dimitri was trying hard to put the young woman at ease, Byleth could still see tension in her, and the way Kokoa kept darting looks at him and then at the open space behind him made her certain that if given a chance, the girl would bolt. Dimitri didn’t seem much better, his unease very clear to Byleth after instructing him for so long.

She would have to do something quickly if she wanted this to be something other than a disaster. She knew that Dimitri felt it just as important as she did that they learned what had upset Kokoa, but it didn’t seem like she was going to be calm enough to tell them anytime soon, at least not with the power of tea alone.

“So, as I’m sure that all my students would like to know,” Byleth began, hoping she wasn’t about to make this worse, “how do you make that man smile?”

She gulped. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, yes, the professor is quite right,” Dimitri agreed, giving her a winning smile of his own, the kind that made many women melt, though he was unaware of it unlike some other students. She much preferred Dimitri’s innocent charm to Sylvain’s blatant attempts at seduction. “You’ve become something of a legend around here lately.”

“What?”

He’d scared her again, though he wasn’t wrong. He tried to lighten the mood once more. “It’s just that you are the only one around here who has managed to make the assistant professor smile. There was a rumor going around that he doesn’t have a heart—only tactics.”

Byleth tried not to react too much to that. Similar things had been said about her as well, things that made her seem inhuman. She had grown up as the Ashen Demon, and even her own father didn’t think she reacted enough to anything.

“That’s not true,” Kokoa said, quickly jumping to the visiting tactician’s defense. “Kent does like math, and he’s very logical, but he’s not just about figures and facts. He’s curious about so many things in how the world works and why things are the way they are—people and animals alike. He told me once he spent several days observing cats to understand their behavior, and while he still doesn’t know why they like him, I do. And he’s willing to try lots of new things, even if only because he considers them an ‘experiment.’ He may not smile often, but when he does, it’s a nice smile. Well… when it’s not a smirk.”

Byleth lifted her tea cup, trying not to smile too much. She knew what her students would be saying about this woman’s affections for Kent if they heard any of this.

“That is truly admirable,” Dimitri said. “That makes it all the more a shame that we as students never get to see that side of him. We left our last encounter with him groaning because of the heavy load he’d assigned us. He insisted it was basic math, but it hardly feels that way at all.”

Byleth nodded in agreement. She had taken one look at what Kent assigned her class and was almost tempted to offer a prayer of thanks that she was _not _a student. She would have to be sure she understood it, though, since her class would likely come asking her for help.

“I don’t pretend to understand math like he does. I… don’t understand it at all,” Kokoa said. She looked down at her hands. “Getting him to smile… It’s nothing that special. I am not special.”

Byleth caught something in the other woman’s tone at the end that she wanted to ask about, but before she could, Dedue rushed over to their table. “Please forgive my interruption. Your Highness, a courier has just arrived with an urgent matter you must attend to.”

“Ah, yes, of course.” Dimitri stood, rising. “Please excuse me.”

She nodded, watching her students leave. As much as she had been looking forward to tea with Dimitri, it might be easier to get Kokoa talking if he was gone. Byleth reached for the pot, refilling the other woman’s cup.

“Professor?”

Byleth set the pot down again. “What can I help you with?”

“Um… Do you ever feel… scared… of Lady Rhea?”

* * *

Byleth blinked, glad she had not been drinking her tea when that question was asked. She might have spit it out. Of all the things for Kokoa to ask, that certainly wasn’t one she expected. She had heard so many different complaints from students in her time here, and she’d even listened to the concerns of many different members of the staff, from knights to monks to cooks in the dining room.

Almost everyone at the monastery, even if they weren’t very faithful, were at least loyal to Rhea.

Almost.

She thought back to her father’s reaction when they first came to Gerrag Mach, how unsettled Jeralt had been at the thought of seeing Rhea again. He certainly hadn’t wanted to, and everything in his reaction about coming here had suggested that he didn’t feel it was a choice. He’d come back, he was working for the Church of Seiros again, but she knew he didn’t want to do it. Someone else might have excused that as Jeralt wanting to be away from someone else’s authority, but Byleth had always known better.

And then there was Sothis, the voice in her head, the goddess with the power over time, who tried and failed to read Rhea’s intentions. Byleth found that unsettling as well, and there were plenty of other things in Rhea’s behavior that didn’t make sense.

Why make Byleth a professor? Why give her the Sword of the Creator? Why keep trusting and trusting when Byleth had given her no reason to do so?

Not to mention that her interest in Byleth was… unsettling. She kept talking about potential and expecting great things. Byleth had to admit she found it creepy.

“I haven’t seen you at any of the services, and you don’t take part in the choir. Are you… worried she’ll dismiss you because of a lack of faith?” Byleth shook her head. “Cyril assures me that Rhea doesn’t demand faith. She hopes he’ll develop it, same with me, but she’s never said it was required. Shamir isn’t a believer, but she works as a knight.”

Kokoa’s hand shook as she tried to hold her cup. “That’s not… No, I shouldn’t have asked. Just… forget I did.”

She set the cup down and started to rise. Byleth was faster, moving to intercept her. This woman was genuinely afraid of Rhea, and she wanted to know why.

“If you’re not working for one of the Church’s enemies, you should have no reason to fear. And somehow, I can’t believe you are a part of that conspiracy.”

Kokoa winced. “No. It’s not that. It’s… Stop it, Orion, I can’t think...”

She turned and fled, rushing far away again, and Byleth had no choice but to go after her. She couldn’t just leave it like this. She had her own misgivings about Rhea, and she needed to know what was going on, if Kokoa was part of the conspiracy working against them or not.

Kokoa’s running was heedless, the product of panic, and she knocked into plenty of people on her way toward the outer gate. Annoyed cries followed her progress, but she didn’t stop. Someone called out thief, and Byleth swore as she rushed to get closer.

“She’s not a thief. She’s just scared. Let her be!” Byleth called out, wondering why none of her students were in the entrance hall today of all days. Perhaps more of them were involved in whatever Dimitri was dealing with, she supposed, but that didn’t help her now.

One of the knights caught Kokoa as she stumbled into him, and she screamed, but he held her fast as Byleth ran to their side. She felt a pain as she saw Kokoa still struggling to free herself, tears rushing down her face.

“Let me take her.”

“Yes, Professor.” The knight went to hand Kokoa to Byleth, but then a tall figure moved in between them.

“I can hardly agree to such a thing,” Kent said, and she looked up at him with a frown. “You were the one chasing her and therefore the logical source of her distress. Why should she be given to your care?”

Byleth shook her head. “I didn’t upset her. Something else was bothering her, but she ran before telling me what it was.”

“Kent,” Kokoa managed, pulling at the knight in an attempt to get to him. He stared the other man down until he gulped and let her go. She flung herself at Kent and held onto him, shaking and crying. He tensed, uncomfortable, and Byleth saw the crowd around them growing larger. She didn’t like this. They needed to get out of here. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. Please...”

“Yet another emotional argument with an obvious fallacy in it. That cannot possibly be true. Not everything is your fault. Given the short years of your life alone that’s impossible, plus the scale of the world—even saying that of Fodlan is excessive.” He shook his head as he reached down to lift her into his arms. “I believe it unlikely you are capable of walking in your current condition. That is all this is. You do not have to fight me.”

Kokoa didn’t. She seemed to trust Kent. She curled her fingers into his coat and huddled against him, no longer sobbing but still trembling.

“Stop gawking and go about your business,” Byleth ordered, dispersing the crowd. She didn’t want them here, and if Kokoa did have a reason to fear Rhea, it should not be made public. Nor should they be allowed to gossip about her. “I’ll help you with her.”

Kent regarded her coldly. “Frankly, I think you have done enough.”

* * *

Byleth waited. If she went after Kent right away, he’d only be more furious with her. She didn’t need to antagonize him. She knew when to pick her battles, and this was one of those times. She still wanted to know what caused Kokoa’s fear of Rhea, but she did not want to draw more attention to them again. People had already mistaken Kokoa for a thief, and even if those rumors died down, others had started because of what Kent had done for her.

She’d heard more than one whisper of how romantic it was.

Idiots.

Byleth waited, taking another deep breath as she thought about what had happened. She didn’t know if there was any way that it could have been avoided, though perhaps if she’d been more open about her own misgivings when it came to Rhea, the girl would not have run. Then again, that wasn’t something to discuss out in the open, either.

“Professor?”

She turned to find Dimitri standing there, an apology on his face.

“Forgive me. I don’t know that it was even that necessary that I attend personally to that matter, but they all thought it was,” he said, shaking his head. He looked tired, even more so than when she’d first invited him to tea. “It truly was not that important.”

“Then perhaps we can finish our tea later,” Byleth said, giving him a reassuring smile. She would like to be alone with him again. She also wanted to be certain he was getting enough rest. He had not been looking well lately, and she was worried.

“Were you able to find out the source of that young lady’s distress?”

Byleth shook her head. She only had part of the story, and what she did know, she did not wish to share. She wanted to help, but she couldn’t do that without more information. All she did know was that Kokoa was afraid of Rhea for some reason. Assuring her that Rhea did not force faith on anyone had not been enough to calm her, so instead it almost seemed like Kokoa must be an enemy of the church, but why? That woman didn’t have any training, was not a fighter by any means, but perhaps she was being used in some way, as others had been. Had someone here made a spy of her?

“You are overlooking something important,” Sothis said, and Byleth tried not to jerk in surprise. She was more accustomed to hearing Sothis’ voice now, but the goddess had her own sense of timing, always appearing at random moments. Byleth had gotten tired of being constantly on guard for them. “Silly mortal. Were you not listening at all?”

Byleth frowned. She couldn’t remember much more than Kokoa’s question about Rhea, but if she went back over her memories, she was sure to find something. “Orion.”

“Very good. Perhaps you were listening after all.”

_What does that mean, though?_

“Hmm.” Sothis considered for a moment. “I confess I do not know. I have been attempting to recall, as there is something on the edge of my memory...”

“Professor?”

Byleth looked over at Dimitri, trying to find some kind of words for him, but she didn’t have any. A wave of dizziness hit her, and she faltered, almost falling, the sound of Sothis’ voice the last thing she heard as everything went dark.

“_I remember an Orion...”_

* * *

“I’m sorry. I… I made a fool of myself.”

Kent tilted his head as he studied her. He did not know what had caused the disturbance earlier, nor was he well-suited to dealing with it, yet he seemed the only one truly capable of doing so. That other professor had acerbated the situation and failed to control the crowd that seemed in awe of her. Those fools would have done anything she said, and yet she did not use that authority properly.

He did not understand that woman’s position here, though much of the Church’s behavior made little sense to him. Religion was impractical in numerous ways. True, there were things science could not explain, but he felt certain in time such understanding would come. Future technology would make that possible.

Emotions, however, might not be something that could ever be understood.

“You were in some considerable distress.” Kent frowned at her. “Are you… You are no longer in such a state, then. I should go. You can rest in private and—”

“I can’t stay here.”

“I admit it would be uncomfortable after today’s events, but that does not mean it is impossible. You can remain.”

She shook her head, grabbing hold of his coat as he turned to leave. “No. I… Lady Rhea knows. Or… suspects. And… And I told her favorite professor how much she scared me… and now… I… I have to go. I… I need to leave, but I… I don’t even know where to go.”

Kent folded his arms over his chest. “I do not understand. There are numerous places to go in Fodlan and beyond. That is no hardship at all.”

She shook her head. “I have been chased out of so many. I am strange and… They say I have a demon. That… I talk to one. I… If Lady Rhea finds out… but I keep thinking she knows… She scares me. And I… What do I do? You’re so smart. You tell me where to go. What to do. I… I don’t know anymore. I can’t out run something that is in my head. No, Orion, stop. Please. Please stop. If not for you… I would still be at home. Now… I don’t even know where home is.”

She was confusing to say the least. Kent knelt next to her cot, needing to look at her face. He passed a hand in front of her eyes, and she blinked. “Well, you still see me and seem to be present enough to register my motions as well. Yet you speak to someone else? This… demon? Is it present now?”

“Orion is always there. He is… Only I can see him. Hear him. He… he has been with me since before I can remember… but I can only remember… I don’t remember anything before him. My parents… My family… I don’t...” She hung her head, hair falling out of the bun on her right side. “I… He’s mad at me for calling him a demon. I…”

“You remember nothing from before?” Kent frowned. “It is possible you are suffering from the lingering effect of a head wound.”

“What?”

She looked up at him, and he knew she was about to cry again. He did not wish to see that. He did not know how to deal with tears.

“Has no one ever suggested such a thing before?” He shook his head. “Come. We should have you examined by a healer.”

“It won’t help. They didn’t find anything before.”

“They may not have been looking for the right thing. I may even be able to do more myself, though I lack the equipment. Let us see what they have and if it can be put to use to solve your problem.” Kent held out a hand, and she stared at it. “I… Forgive me. I assumed you might still be unsteady on your feet. If you want assistance… Surely this is preferable to me carrying you?”

She flushed, taking his hand and standing unsteadily. He helped her, letting her lean against him as they started to walk.

Strange. This felt… pleasant. Enjoyable despite the circumstances. He had never been much of one for touch, never saw the need for physical contact, but hers… He liked this, being close to her, feeling her. This was… most unusual. He would have to catalog this information for later.

* * *

“You said she just… collapsed?”

Dimitri nodded, still worried about the professor, who had not woken through the entire frantic journey to get her to the infirmary. He did not know what had caused her to fall. True, she had seemed a bit distracted just before it happened, but he hadn’t seen any true distress until she was nearly on the ground. He had managed to catch her before that happened, but he could not rouse her.

“She and I were discussing the situation with that frightened servant girl when she got distant and then fell,” Dimitri told Manuela, whose amused look darkened into something more fitting her role as a healer. She had been teasing a little when he first brought the professor in. It was rare to see her wounded or unwell, so this was unusual, and he supposed he should not blame the healer for thinking this was some kind of a prank.

“How curious. You said the servant girl was frightened? Not ill as well?”

“She was visibly distressed and had been running, but she seemed well enough, if anxious. I was hoping the professor could calm her, but I was called away before she spoke of why she was so upset. I had just returned to find the professor when she… collapsed.”

“Intriguing. Well, let’s get a better look at her, then.”

Dimitri waited, not sure what to do with himself while Manuela worked and yet unwilling to leave. He needed to know what had happened to Byleth and that she would be all right.

He knew he should not be so interested. He should not cross such lines or have such feelings. She had teased him about puppy love with Edelgard, but his affection for his step-sister was not that kind. If there was such an attachment, improper as it might be, it was for the unconscious woman on the cot. He didn’t know why he was harboring such emotions—he had no future to promise anyone.

He had to appease the dead, and if he did not die in doing so, then he would have to take up the mantle of the king. He was not free to love and marry whoever he chose. He would never be so free.

“Are you worried I won’t treat her properly, Your Highness?”

He tensed. “Oh, no, Manuela. That… That’s not it at all.”

“I know,” she said with a smirk, and he frowned at her. “I have to wonder if there was even a servant girl involved in all this.”

“Excuse me?”

“I do not think you wish to know the implication behind that woman’s words.”

Manuela turned back, her fury visible, even if she didn’t say anything. She would have launched into an entire tirade, Dimitri was sure, if the man who’d spoken had been Professor Hanneman. As it was, she simply glared at the newcomers. “What do you want?”

“Um, Kent, maybe we should do this later,” Kokoa said, looking almost as distressed as she had when she ran into Dimitri earlier. She would have left the room if he wasn’t blocking her way. “I… Is that the professor? What happened? No. No, it wasn’t me. I was—”

“You did nothing wrong,” Kent told her. “She seemed fine when we left. Whatever is happening now is nothing to do with you.”

“And yet she is in my infirmary, too. I wonder why that is.”

“She is here because I believe she was never properly examined for a head wound. There is some evidence of a pre-existing condition, and if that is the case, it should be properly treated. Stop gaping at me. Surely you as a physician know that head wounds can cause permanent damage in many forms. People can lose their ability to move or speak. They have difficulty remembering things. Their senses become impaired—they cannot see or hear or taste. Some even do not feel. These are not matters to be ignored.”

“Is that… could that… explain why… Dimitri can’t taste anything?”

“Professor,” Dimitri said, wanting to rush to her side but feeling trapped where he was. How had she learned of such a thing? He had not told her. He had not told most people, few if any. Some of his friends knew, they had stumbled onto that knowledge by accident, but he had not spoken of it. Who had told her? And why?

“It is possible. In fact, it is rather likely,” Kent said, and Dimitri found himself turning to stare at the older man. “Do not stare at me as though I have told you something groundbreaking and not elementary. You are not missing a tongue or any part of your mouth, that much is clear to anyone who speaks to you. That means that your difficulty is not a physical one within your mouth itself where the data pertaining to taste is collected but one centered in the place that understands it—your mind. Your brain sustained some kind of damage—before you get angry and almost assuredly violent, this is a minor amount of damage, limited only to your sense of taste. Any greater kind, one so as to render you paralyzed or imbecilic has obviously not taken place. You are fit enough and in apparently sound mind.”

Dimitri still found himself frowning. “I...”

“For all his big words and condescending tone, he’s not wrong,” Manuela said. “It’s true a head wound could have caused your inability to taste. Funny, though. This is the first I’m hearing of such a thing.”

“I… It’s not exactly something I enjoy talking about.” He shook his head. “Shouldn’t we be seeing to the professor? She collapsed.”

“I’m fine,” Byleth said, but of course he didn’t believe that. True, she didn’t look that bad, not now that she was awake, sitting up, and talking, but he couldn’t forget those frantic moments when he could not awaken her, either. “I just got… a little dizzy, but it’s passed now.”

“I cannot see how that was just a bit of dizziness. You fell, and I could not rouse you.”

Byleth shook her head. “It really was nothing. I would, however, like to speak to you more, Kokoa.”

“No. I didn’t. I—Kent, move, please, don’t make me stay in here with her.” Kokoa tried to push past him, but even though the assistant professor was on the skinnier side, he still blocked the doorway quite effectively.

“Why, Professor. I do believe that poor little thing is afraid of you,” Manuela said, putting a finger to her mouth. “Why ever could that be?”

Byleth seemed confused as well. Dimitri could not see how she would have done harm to such an innocent, not now that he’d seen her humanity for himself, but something must have happened after he left to change things and cause such obvious anxiety.

“I do not believe you need fear her, even if she is Lady Rhea’s favorite,” Kent said, his tone suggesting he had no favorable opinion of the archbishop. “If my theory is correct, what you are experiencing has a valid scientific explanation and is nowhere near the heresy you’re worried about.”

“Heresy?”

“I think it might be best if we spoke in private,” Byleth said, keeping her tone gentle as she addressed the woman again.

“Although I agree it would be better if certain individuals lacking discretion were not present—”

“Excuse me? Why are you looking at _me _like that, you over-important bookworm?” Manuela demanded. “I swear, you’re worse than Hanneman. At least he has some emotions.”

“—after that display earlier, I would never permit her to be alone with you again,” Kent finished, the last of his words clearly directed at Byleth.

Manuela frowned. “Wait, is that how this is? So the rumors are true? That is completely adorable.”

Kent’s reaction was rather memorable. “Are you insane as well as inept?”

Byleth laughed, and everyone looked at her. She shook her head. “Sorry, Manuela. It does not seem that either of them are aware of the rumors.”

“Rumors?” Kent grimaced. “I fail to see why most gossip would have relevance, but if they are the source of such fear, I believe they should be addressed and dismissed as the foolishness they are. To that end, then, I would like to make use of the equipment here for diagnostics. No one else need be present.”

“While I am all for encouraging young lovers—if a tad jealous—I don’t think you need to use my infirmary to indulge yourselves. I have patients to see to.”

“I’m fine,” Byleth repeated. Dimitri didn’t think any of them believed that, though. “I am curious about what you want to do to Kokoa, though.”

“It is nothing as sordid as that woman’s implication,” Kent said. “I already explained this. I believe she may have suffered a head wound years ago that is still causing her trouble. That is all that anyone else needs to know.”

“I can examine her just as well as you can. I am a physician, after all.”

Kent regarded Manuela coldly. “I would not trust you with the care of one of my enemies.”

* * *

Before Kent could start arguing with Manuela again, something Kokoa suspected would rival her famous arguments with Hanneman, she reached up to tug on his coat. She didn’t want all this fuss anyway, and it had been almost easy enough to agree with Kent about looking at her head, but the longer it went with everyone talking and nothing happening, the more Orion had a chance to plead with her and beg her not to do it.

She would miss him if he was gone. She’d been with him for so long, and often his presence was a comfort to her.

It was difficult, too, with people thinking she was possessed or evil for speaking to something that they couldn’t see. She was afraid a lot of the time, too, and she didn’t like living this way. She also wondered if maybe she would remember her family if Kent could find some proof an injury to her head caused all this.

She was torn about it, but she didn’t want to stay here and argue, either.

“Please. Let’s just go. This… it’s been pretty humiliating, and I don’t want to fight anymore.”

Kent started to speak, hesitated, and shook his head. “Yes, I suppose that may be for the best. We can investigate this at another time.”

“Don’t think you can just use my infirmary whenever you please. That’s not how it works.”

“Manuela, I would like to see if Kent is right,” Byleth said, and the other woman frowned at her. “I want to help Dimitri with his headaches and inability to taste anything, if that is at all possible. If there is any way to assist him in that, I want to try it. Also, I do not think that Kokoa should have to suffer, either.”

“I’m fine,” Kokoa said, and Kent looked at her. She wanted to hide again. How did that man see through her so easily? It wasn’t like he’d always known about Orion, and he was willing to argue with her more often than not, but he still seemed to know when she was lying.

“You are not. That much was clear earlier. I would like to do this to allay your doubts and see if there is anything we can do about your condition.”

“You could tell me your symptoms,” Manuela said. “There may be things I can do without extra tests if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

It wasn’t, but she didn’t want to explain what did scare her.

“I keep telling you—I’m not a demon. I’m a spirit. I’m the helper to the god Nhil, granter of wishes. I don’t know why you think that’s so terrible,” Orion said, sounding very pitiful next to her. “Neither of us did anything wrong, even if I probably shouldn’t be with you. If I knew where Nhil was, I could go back with him, but we haven’t been able to ask anyone about him.”

Byleth looked at Manuela. “Do you know much of the tales of Orion?”

Manuela’s eyes widened. “Orion? Why would you ask about that? I… That’s really not one of the sacred texts, you know. I mean, I’m sure it’s still around in places, maybe even in the Western Church, given… recent events, but I doubt there’s a copy anywhere near Garreg Mach.”

The prince frowned. “Professor?”

Kent seemed concerned, a worried frown on his face. “Am I to understand that there is some kind of legendary figure by this name of Orion?”

“Ah… well...” Manuela grimaced. “You see, there is an opera, and we were once going to revive it before… certain individuals suggested otherwise, which got me a little curious. There is a rather romantic legend about Sothis, you see, and her consort Nhil. At least it starts romantic. Like all males, Nhil turns out to be a cad—”

“He’s not a cad! He’s a good person who grants wishes! He likes to wander and see humanity.”

Kokoa grimaced. _Orion, please stop. Don’t do this now. Not in front of everyone. _

“This is going to be pointless, isn’t it?” Kent shook his head. “We need not waste our time on—”

“I believe it is more accurate to say that while Sothis had power over time, Nhil had power over reality,” the prince said, and everyone looked at him. He flushed. “That is… according to what I read. I guess the legend was a favorite of my stepmother’s, and she read it often. I was curious about it, so I read it as well. Nhil was known as the granter of wishes, while Sothis was the progenitor goddess. She loved the life she created and wanted to stay with it forever, to remain with those she gave life to all her days. Nhil, however, liked to explore, and he chose to travel the paths of not only the reality that was but the ones that could be.”

Manuela snorted. “He abandoned her is what he did. Disappeared for years without so much as a word.”

“In a sense, yes,” Dimitri grimaced. He cleared his throat as he continued. “The legends do say that when he left, he entrusted to his love his most faithful attendant, a spirit named Orion. Some legends say Orion also had the power to grant wishes. Others do not. In either case, the legends do agree that Orion was quite special to Sothis, as he was all that she had of her beloved. I… I believe at least one version of the legend holds that because Orion was so dear to her, he was among the first slain by Nemesis when he turned on Sothis.”

“What?” Orion shouted, almost right in her ear. “I died? I’m dead? How can I be… dead? I… No. This isn’t right. This is… I don’t… I should remember all of that, and I don’t… Kokoa, I’m not dead. I can’t be dead.”

He tried to cling to her, but having no body, he couldn’t. For the first time since she’d been with him, she swore she could feel _his _emotions. The grief and confusion overwhelmed her, and she felt tears on her cheeks as she wavered, grabbing hold of Kent to steady herself.

“Kokoa?”

“He says... he’s not… dead,” she managed to get a few awkward words out, fighting against her own throat to do so, choked up as she now was. She could cry as hard as Orion was, she was sure of it, but she also didn’t think she could stand.

Orion’s anguish was terrible, and she kept seeing things she didn’t understand.

A gray haired man with horns laughing with a green haired woman. A large white dragon of incredible strength. The canyon painted red with blood.

She glimpsed the infirmary again before everything spun and her vision went black.

* * *

“Impressive,” Manuela said as Kent caught Kokoa, not allowing her to fall to the floor. “And here I thought you were all intellectual without any muscle at all. I’m rather curious now, actually. What would you be like if you took off that scholarly robe?”

“That is something that shall remain a mystery for the duration of your lifetime,” Kent muttered, and Dimitri caught Byleth smirking.

She shrugged. It wasn’t like she hadn’t met more brazen women than Manuela in the past. The former songstress was willing to flirt with nearly everything that moved, but she was far from the worst. Sometimes Byleth did think Sylvain deserved that, as corrupted as he’d become because of his conviction that no one saw anything but a crest in him. Still, there were others she’d known that took the flirting even further than either of them did, ones that crossed over into harassment instead, ones where it was no game, where saying no did not matter.

Manuela’s need to flirt with everyone could be entertaining, though, even if the object of that flirtation wasn’t the least bit interested. While Byleth had initially dismissed the rumors that painted Kokoa’s ability to get Kent to smile as something romantic, she now thought that wasn’t just an exaggeration made by idle minds.

And Kent’s reflexes were better than expected as well.

Most helpful, perhaps, was the information that Dimitri had been able to give them about Orion.

“Exactly,” Sothis said. She frowned. “Though this Nhil… I think if I could find him, I’d do what Manuela said and smack him silly. Abandoning me like that? Me? Who does he think he is?”

Byleth had to keep herself from laughing. She saw Dimitri looking at her and gave him a reassuring smile. She was fine. She didn’t think Sothis was as fine as she pretended, since her indignant act seemed to come up when she was feeling vulnerable, but even if the legends weren’t all true, that had been a lot of information. Sothis had apparently lost a lover and a loyal attendant, one that might well have seemed as a child to her. The vision they’d shared showed a sweet, laughing face, one that seemed even younger than Sothis in appearance.

_Do you think that Kokoa truly can see Orion as I see you?_

“Hmm. That is quite a question. It may be so.” Sothis moved to hover near Kokoa, studying her. “Judging from your father’s reaction to your dreams, most people would not believe possible such a thing as this conversation we are now having. If she has been able to see and hear his spirit for some time now… It may well be that she has been considered crazy before, certainly foolish.”

Byleth nodded. She’d been careful to keep her conversations with Sothis to herself, though she did get the sense that Rhea was aware of them sometimes. Maybe she couldn’t hear them, but she suspected them all the same.

That unsettled her, the Ashen Demon. How much harder would it be for a girl like Kokoa?

“Of course she’d be terrified of Rhea. You’ve seen the way she looks at you. Sometimes it is as if she looks beyond you, but other times it is almost… a hunger. As if you have something she wants and would do anything to get.”

_No one can know she can see Orion._

“Indeed not. We must send the indiscreet one away and the prince as well.”

_I trust Dimitri._

“You should not. He is tormented by his own demons and may not be willing to listen to reason when the time comes.”

Byleth shook that off, turning to Manuela. She needed an excuse to send her away, though in all honesty, she figured Manuela would be easier than Kent. “Didn’t you say that you wanted to get some rarer medicines? I think I heard Anna got in a new shipment, but I wouldn’t know what to get or what to pay for them.”

“That merchant will gouge anyone if she gets half a chance. Oh, but… Damn it. I’d better go myself. It can probably wait—”

“She only fainted. If you think any of us incapable of handling that, I will lay bare the extent of your indiscretions I have observed since my arrival here. It has not been that long a time, but the list is long, and I can share it with Seteth as well.”

“Don’t you dare,” Manuela hissed. “Fine. I’ll let you care for her, but if something goes wrong, I will make sure you pay for it.”

Kent gave her an impassive stare, not the least bit intimidated.

“I am good with white magic _and _a sword, you know. I’m not just a pretty face or a healer.”

“A tactician without any understanding of combat arts would be rather a poor one,” Kent said, making her raise her eyebrows. “That does mean what I have implied it means, if you needed that elucidated.”

“Oh, bother, you are worse than Hanneman,” Manuela muttered, storming off. Kent watched her go before moving toward an odd device that Byleth had never seen Manuela use before in any of the times she’d been in here for one of her students.

Byleth crossed to his side. “What made you believe she suffered from the lingering effects of a head injury? Did she faint like this before?”

“No. Nor did she have any obvious headaches if that is your next question.” Kent folded his arms over his chest. “I see no reason to divulge that information to you after you scared her so much earlier.”

Byleth shook her head. “She’s not scared of me. She’s scared of Rhea and being labeled a heretic. Tell me—does she see visions of Orion?”

“Professor,” Dimitri said, his voice conveying no small amount of worry. “Those legends… they are as good as heresy. The Church does not acknowledge the existence of Nhil or Orion.”

“I can see why in Nhil’s case, if he supposedly abandoned me,” Sothis said. “Hmm. And how would they explain Orion without Nhil? It is a wonder these legends survived at all.”

“Yes, I understand that,” Byleth said not just to Dimitri but also to Sothis. “Still, if it is true that she does see these things, that does not necessarily mean she’s a heretic or even that she has a brain injury.”

“It is the best, most reasonable explanation for such a thing as we have, and are you truly going to condemn this girl to the Church by saying otherwise? They are not ones to show any form of leniency or mercy towards those who disagree with their beliefs. And stop looking at me like I am now the heretic. I have never made any secret of my own skepticism toward religion in general. I follow none. I never have. I prefer things that can be explained by observable phenomena and facts, statistics and other evidence. Faith has no such basis.”

“I… Forgive me,” Dimitri said. “I have met few so bold about such a thing, even knowing ones from Duscur and Brigid and other places where they worship several gods and not one goddess. I was… It is not that I judge you. It is simply not spoken of so freely most of the time.”

Kent nodded. “Of course not. Those in Fodlan have many reasons to fear the reprisal of the church. And yes, you may conclude that I am not from Fodlan. I have no need to speak of my homeland, but your faith has no reach there. War, on the other hand, has plenty, and I learned it well, much as I wanted my education to be otherwise.”

“We fight to survive.”

“How kind of wars in your land to be so noble,” Kent muttered, shaking his head as he returned to the device.

“And what do they fight war for in your land?”

“Greed.”

* * *

“You’re staring.”

Dimitri grimaced. “I just… You surprised me again. I find myself wanting to ask you much of your homeland.”

“Are you certain it is not curiosity for yourself? If I can pinpoint an older injury in her, it may also be possible to do so for you. You could be rid of your headaches and able to taste again.”

Domitri shook his head. He had no desire to voice the truth—these pains were ones he deserved for the crime of surviving, and he would not undo them, much as he missed food that tasted like anything at all—aside from cheese, he could sometimes taste cheese. He knew the headaches were his to bear as well. He must keep listening to the dead and give them vengeance. “No. You said ‘greed,’ but is it greed for power? Or is it about land?”

“War in its simplest terms is always about greed, be it for land, power, or money. Even so called religious wars end up being not about faith or divergence of belief but the amount of money, territory, or even believers the other side has. It is still greed.” Kent made an adjustment to the instrument he was using and frowned. Abruptly, he turned and used it on Dimitri before he could protest.

“I never consented to—”

“I see. You clearly have suffered a severe head injury. The damage lies around here,” Kent said, touching a finger to a part of Dimitri’s head usually covered by his hair. He lowered the device. “She shows no sign of one. Yet she spoke of a loss of memory and hallucinations… It must be there. I simply cannot find it with this crude excuse for technology. This land is so ridiculously backwards it would be laughable if it wasn’t infuriating.”

“Excuse me?”

“War forces technological advancement as well as causing destruction. Leaders want newer, better ways to kill. More efficient weapons. More accurate tactical assessments. And, as a byproduct of the death comes all that is learned trying to prevent it. Medicine has advanced significantly when one does not rely on faith healing alone.” Kent set the device down, shaking his head. “I do not know what to do now.”

“Tell them that you found an old injury,” Byleth said, and he frowned at her. “What does the truth matter if you save her? You spare her the charge of heresy she fears and it is enough. You may never believe she sees Orion, but you don’t have to for her to survive.”

Kent folded his arms over his chest. “You suggest I lie? Who would believe me? Especially if she still ends up talking to this spirit she thinks she sees?”

“Everyone—if you are able to help Dimitri.”

“I told you that I—”

“Many brain injuries are irreversible in my homeland, but that is limited by technology. You have something we do not,” Kent said, waving her over to them. “Do you know how to heal scars?”

She nodded. “I’ve learned a bit of it. Even without being raised in the church, my ability for it is strong. I’ve been able to help several of my students before we leave the battlefield—or the training grounds.”

“Then here,” Kent said, moving her hand to where he’d traced earlier. Dimitri tensed, unable to find words with her warm hand on his head. “This shows you the scarring. If you can alleviate any of it, he may find relief.”

Byleth nodded. “I can do it.”

_You can’t do that. You don’t deserve to be healed. Why are you alive when we are dead? Don’t let her touch you. You cannot be saved. You are not worth saving if you do not avenge us. You must give us the ones who murdered us. Avenge us._

All the voices rushing at him made his heart heavy with guilt. He had to stop her. He did not deserve relief. They were right. He should be dead. “Professor—”

“I _want _to do it, Dimitri. Let me help you,” she said, and with her eyes on him, he could do nothing more than nod in agreement. She closed her eyes and hummed, and the strange tune washed over him, leaving him feeling strange even as he swore the pain in his head had eased.

The voices…

They’d been screaming a moment ago, but now… He could not hear them. He frowned, staring at her in disbelief. “I...”

“Do not assume you are fully healed,” Kent advised. “That may never come.”

“No, but...”

Byleth opened her eyes and smiled at him. “Would you like to get some food with me?”

* * *

“Before we go, I need to do one thing,” Byleth said, lifting her head to face Kent and wondering if she would be able to convince him to grant her this request. He had listened to her before and let her help Dimitri—let _Sothis _help Dimitri, since Byleth was now sure that her ability to do anything based on faith was not a product of belief but of her presence.

“Oh. Um...”

“I believe she is about to wake, Kent, and I would like a word with her in private. You can wait outside the door if you wish, but I want to reassure her that she has nothing to fear from Rhea,” Byleth said. Kent stared at her, expression impassive. She chose to repeat her words. “She has nothing to fear from Rhea—because I will protect her.”

“You?”

“She hardly needs it with an ally like you on her side, but yes. She will have my protection, and I will abuse my status as Rhea’s favorite if I have to,” Byleth promised. “Perhaps I can even get her into my class for some minor training so that I can keep an eye over her. Rhea agreed to that with Flayn. I think she will do so with Kokoa as well.”

Kent considered, closing his eyes before finally nodding. “Very well. I will grant you a short time alone, but if you upset her again...”

Byleth shook her head. She had no intention of doing that, her words should put Kokoa at ease, and she almost would have told him just to stay, but she did not want to tell him that Sothis was with her, that she saw and heard the lost goddess.

“Are you ashamed of me?”

_You know that’s not it. Kent would likely think I had a brain injury, too, and I’d rather not get caught up in testing. I’m fine. You exist. So does Orion. I think if she hears that, she’ll be calmer in general. _

“I agree,” Sothis said. “It is a pity I cannot talk to Orion directly, though perhaps in time… Perhaps this long slumber means my powers will continue to be restored. Then I will see him again. I would like that, I think. I have few memories of him, but I remember him a bright thing, happier and kinder than your Ashe or Annette.”

_Is it even possible to be brighter than Annette? _Byleth had to wonder. Even the sadness of her father’s departure hadn’t dampened her spirits. It just made her more determined.

Byleth heard a click and realized that Kent had shut the door behind him. She crossed over to the cot where Kokoa was, taking a seat on the edge of it as the girl stirred, opening her eyes and bolting up almost in fear.

“Kent?”

“He’s outside. I asked him to give us a moment to speak,” Byleth said. She put her hand on Kokoa’s as the other woman trembled. “It is not so dire. I want you to know something I have told no one else.”

“Me?”

“You can see and hear Orion,” Byleth said. “You should know that I can hear and see Sothis.”

“What?”

Byleth nodded. “The goddess is with me even now. She would like to be able to speak to Orion again. She says he was a bright and kind child, a happy one.”

“Oh. Yes. Though he insists he’s a spirit, not a child, but often he is very happy. Happier than I am, I suppose. I… Oh. Um… Orion wants to know if Sothis believes they are both dead.”

“It is possible,” Sothis said, and Byleth repeated her words. “I am the goddess who died and was reborn, after all. I simply do not know. There are many gaps in my memory.”

Kokoa nodded. “Orion and I are the same. I… I remember nothing before he was with me. He seems to remember very little after you and Nhil met. Though he does remember a red canyon. That… is very painful.”

“I wish to hold him,” Sothis said. “Hmm. I wonder why. And yet… I do not. I know. I should know. He was mine as the others were mine, though he was not blood of my blood.”

Byleth herself felt a bit of kinship with Kokoa, even though they were still strangers. “I think I will ask to add you to my class.”

“What? I’m not...”

“I’d like to keep you safe, and Sothis wants Orion nearby as well. Kent seemed to think that it might be a wise idea. I won’t make you fight with us unless you wish to, but I would like to teach you to defend yourself if necessary. Your companion is very special, after all, and so are you.”

“I...”

“And Kent does hold seminars for my class,” Byleth added, seeing the other woman flush. Normally she wouldn’t tease, but she was willing to use whatever method necessary to persuade Kokoa to join her.

“I… maybe? If… if it’s really okay and… But Rhea...”

“I think sometimes Rhea suspects that Sothis is with me or at least hopes she is,” Byleth admitted. “She may do the same with you and Orion. You took it in a fearful way—admittedly, it’s unsettling even knowing why—since you thought having him there was heresy, but it’s not. And you’ll be with my class and me, and with Kent watching over you as well, you will be safe from now on.”

“I… Okay.”

Byleth gave her a smile and patted her shoulder. “Good. I think I’d better let Kent see you now. I know he was quite worried.”

“Him? About… me? That’s not...”

“Children,” Sothis sighed. “Orion, haven’t you told her already that man’s obviously in love with her? I don’t know what she sees in him, but he definitely likes her. Take that from the progenitor goddess.”

Byleth grimaced. “Don’t make me repeat that for her.”

“You should. Otherwise those two lovelorn idiots will be as bad as you and that prince.”

“Sothis, I am not in love with Dimitri.” Byleth heard the goddess laugh and almost smacked her own face, realizing from Kokoa’s expression that she’d said that out loud. “Um… excuse me. I did ask Dimitri to eat with me—I believe between Kent and Sothis we were able to help him, maybe bring back part of his sense of taste, so I want to see if that happened. It’s not romantic.”

Kokoa giggled. “Sorry. Orion is laughing. It’s… Sorry.”

Byleth knew taking it out on Kokoa wasn’t entirely fair, but she was tempted to make Monday’s class very difficult for her.

* * *

“I heard you helped Prince Dimitri.”

Kent nodded, taking a position where he could lean against the wall. This day had proved unexpectedly long already, and he was weary enough. Relief at seeing her awake and smiling, even laughing when Byleth left the room, had given away to his fatigue, and he knew he should go back to his room to rest.

“Yes, it did look like Byleth was able to heal some of the scarring from an old head wound which may alleviate his symptoms. It is too soon to be sure, but they were both willing to test it by eating a meal together.” Kent pushed his glasses up his nose. “I was, however, unable to do anything for you. If you had suffered a previous injury, I could find no sign of it with the equipment here.”

“Oh.” She looked down at her hands. “Um… If Orion never goes away… um… will you… do you think because there’s no injury… you think I’m just crazy?”

Kent considered that. Did he believe her insane? Admittedly, hallucinations were often the signs of an unwell mind, but other than her perception of this “spirit,” she seemed quite sane. He also could not help remembering how small she’d been when he’d had to carry her, how easy it would have been to harm her even on accident… and how soft and warm her hands were. Selfishly, he had not wanted to let go of them. Even now his eyes seemed drawn to them.

“No.”

“You don’t?”

He forced himself to nod. In truth, he should consider her unwell, and yet he could not bring himself to do so. It defied logic, but he felt she was not so unbalanced. “No. You do not seem insane to me. Perhaps you do simply hide it well, but even your emotional outbursts are not signs of mental illness. You… do tend to feel things strongly, something I thought I did not understand, but I have noticed some tendency toward such things myself of late.”

“You have?”

“I told you I believed that love was simply a chemical reaction, did I not? That it is a biological impulse created to continue the population of the species.”

She nodded, starting to rise. “Yes. I remember. I think I will go now. I’m tired, and you’re very busy, and I don’t want to fight about this again.”

“Neither do I,” he said, moving to stop her from leaving. “I… Are you still willing to test the theory of the goddess tower with me?”

“Why? Why would you want that? You don’t believe in love or in wishes or the goddess or—”

“It seemed a simple enough test of these… reactions. These… feelings,” he admitted, though if she truly was unwilling to experiment with him, he did not know what he would do. “I… Isn’t your interest enough?”

She swallowed. “Kent, are you actually saying… Do you mean to tell me you wanted to test a wish at the goddess tower to see if you were in love with me?”

Hearing her say it like that made him feel foolish. “I… That is rather an absurd reason to attempt it, is it not? Then you need not trouble yourself over it. I do not need to stay here until that time of ritual anyway. My contracted time with the monastery ends before it, so it would be simple enough to go and—”

“No,” she said, looking again like she might cry. “I… Even if you think I’m crazy, you should know that’s why Orion thought I wanted to do it. That… I wanted to know if you loved me. I kept saying it wasn’t that, but if you leave and I never see you again… Please don’t. I… I want to go to the goddess tower with you. And I want to keep making you smile and making you laugh and I even want to sit in those classes everyone complains about of yours. I… I don’t always understand what you say or how you think, but you fascinate me. I always want to know more and talk to you even when we argue.”

He found himself reaching out to touch her cheek, wiping away a tear. “You provoke such emotional responses in me. It is indeed fascinating, but it is not all that interests me in you. The fact that I am willing to accept your tales of Orion… is that madness on my part? Or simply these same chemical reactions? I do not know… but I would like to learn. And… I would like to hold your hand again.”

She smiled, placing both her hands in his. “I am no scientist or tactician, but I like the idea of learning about this together with you.”

* * *

“Are you afraid?”

Dimitri looked up from his plate to face Byleth, feeling foolish. “Admittedly, yes. I… I fear that we will both be disappointed. I had long since given up hope of truly enjoying food again, and I do not know that I dare hope that I can. I don’t even feel… Oh, never mind. This is quite silly of me, isn’t it?”

Byleth reached across the table for his hand. “You shouldn’t have to suffer because you survived. I know sometimes it feels that way, but it’s not true. You deserve to have a good life. That much I am convinced of after these months as your professor. You have a good heart—perhaps a soft one—and will be a benevolent king. A strong one, too. You fight when it is necessary, but you have compassion as well. Your people will be lucky to have you ascend that throne.”

“You flatter me.”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t. I believe in what I said. You will be a good king. At the same time, were it possible to free you of that responsibility, I think I might want to. You care so much—perhaps too much—and have even taken on the burdens of the dead. I do not want you to bear such weight alone.”

He swallowed. He had been used to shouldering it all alone for so long he hadn’t even realized how much he’d needed someone else until she had helped them that day at Remire village. She had come to be someone he trusted over childhood friends and even Dedue. Sometimes Dimitri even thought perhaps—but no, that was foolish, and he had no future to promise.

“I suppose that’s also selfish of me,” she admitted, and he found himself frowning again. “Well, if you were not a prince…”

“Yes?”

She leaned forward over the table. “I’d have been the one to recruit _you, _not the other way around.”

He blinked. “Oh. You wanted me for your mercenary corps? I suppose that I’d be strong enough to be a good asset.”

She looked down at her plate. “Yes.”

“This… displeases you?”

“I… Please tell me what you taste,” she said, still not looking at him. “I want to know if I was of any use earlier.”

He picked up his fork but shook his head. “You are always of use—of help, of aid, of even wonderment to me, Professor.”

She flushed. Even with her head tilted down, he could see it, and it pleased him. Bolstered and emboldened, he took a bite.

He almost broke his fork in his haste to reach for his glass. His whole mouth was burning, though his plate had plenty of time to cool as they spoke. He was used to hot or cold being the only thing he could detect of his food, sometimes a bit of texture, but this… this was different.

“Spicy. Too spicy. That… what the hell did you give me to eat?”

Byleth smiled, laughing. Her laughter was just as mesmerizing as her smile, a melodic sound that made him smile as well despite the fact that his mouth was burning. “Oh, Dimitri...”

Goddess help him, he was in love with this woman. It wasn’t just that she’d saved his life, or that she taught them all so well, with strength and kindness, or even that she’d helped heal him. That look of delight on her face might have done him in all on its own.

“I wasn’t sure it would work,” she admitted, “so I picked the spiciest thing on the menu… and added extra spices to it.”

“It’s inedible,” he said, but he was still grinning like an idiot. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Anything for you.”

“Ah, then perhaps you will not mind if I do this,” he said, leaning over to take a forkful from her plate. He swallowed it and almost moaned as he did. “That is… so good.”

“Well, you do like cheese.”

He looked at her plate again. “You got my favorite, too?”

She nodded. “If it worked… then you should have it. Even if you didn’t, it’s yours.”

“I don’t mind sharing.”

She grinned back at him. “Neither do I.”

* * *

There were two separate, yet very similar wishes made at the goddess tower that year.

Both came true.


End file.
